I Wrote This While Pissed (Part 2 of 3)
The background for this is in part 1, go read that – or you might get lost on what this whole thing is about. If you do not want to read all of part one, and believe me I understand, that sht is super duper long, you can just read the intro that summarized the context of this.
Anyway, to go from where we left off…. After a bunch of people called this white guy out for being racist, he writes a huge 8000 word response instructing minorities how to communicate to privileged people – meanwhile making himself some kind of martyr. That sht long post pissed me the fck off even further than I already was.. because I actually sat down and read that drivel.. and it was sooo ignorant that I would have to write a book to correct all the errors in his analysis. I was actually ganna do it too.. but then this white feminist, henceforth to be refereed to as Awesome White Woman (AWW) did like a parody of his response. Within that parody she hit up all the objections and basically fcked White Boy One (WB1) up with some logic and a proper social justice Framework.
When I read it, I felt relieved, but still pissed off, and I wanted to add to what AWW said. So I posted something I am going to re-post here on my blog.
Again, this is going to be edited, names redacted, and stuff, the edits will be in bold. I post part two because, again, a bunch of people from that community told me they learned a lot from the post. I post it here to archive it, anyway.. here we go:
I laughed out loud [responding to AWW’s parody post]… and I am sorta actually crying right now for some reason. The old me, with my experiences when talking about racism, the dehumanizing treatment from white folk… would have taught me not to expect to see so many white people actually understand the nature of white privilege. It really makes me cry, literally… to see you say things that are so on point….
I am almost speechless. (I mean, I am not literally as this post will show!)
I want to tell people something [Tell the community there something]. The reason people of color are not into [your community] right now is because of people like [WB1]. It is not because there is this KKK element to it.. it is because of deniers and ignorant people like [WB1]. I would never feel comfortable in a room filled with people like him. My views on social justice are my priority, not my [relationship to this community]… and I won’t be a part of any crowd that lets people like [WB1] fester and not have the ability to call him on on BS. The only reason, I have come out of lurking is because of people like [AM]and like yourself [AWW], because you guys really do get it… and I am so tired of making people understand that our plight is real.
I am tired of being treated as a subhuman when I get angry over racism. I am tired of society telling me that “this tone of voice” is the only acceptable form of expression for minorities talking about their pain… and anything short of that – you are not worth listening to. They really treat us like trash, and people do not know how incredibly traumatizing and devastating that sort of constant cultural racism can be.
It is so tiring… I saw [WB1]’s treatise of racist white garbage tone policing…. and I can’t ignore it. I actually have to waste my day writing a reply to his garbage. Do people not get how exhausting this sht is? How likely it is that, because of people like [WB1], most minorities run out of steam on these issues? That most give up? That most just walk away? The only reason I am not ignoring it is because I am as stubborn and silly as [Name Redacted – but I will call him squidfool].. no matter how much personal pain [WB1]’s ideas give me.. I still gatta say something.
Yet what you did here…. you just… you really saved me of a lot of effort. You swept me off my feet. It was like this giant weight was lifted off me. I feel like I have to speak up when someone is missing a good competent chunk of the picture…. even though the process of doing this basically rips me to shreds emotionally every time.
Lots of people in this culture just do not get how utterly dehumanizing and traumatizing it is to talk to people like [WB1] when you are a person of color.. it is indescribable. Yet I have to put my humanity on the line everyFCKINGtime when I talk about racism… and everytime, I feel like a piece of my empathy is being taken away, being chipped at, making me “apathetic” to my own oppression… this type of sht drains people of color.. so they stay away from it as much as they can. Yet no matter how much they run away, now matter how much we already dictate our tone everyday to avoid conversation with white people like [WB1]… it [WB1]’s racist micro-aggression and HIS ILK always find us and smack us in the fcking mouth.
I just want to thank you because… I made a decision to again tear my humanity to pieces just to address an ignorant white privileged fool on how he is acting real racist right now, knowing it was unlikely to do any good. I would have had to rummage through a book lengths worth of his white privilege ignorant scribbles – each error taking a books lengths work to correct – and it would have drained me, and I would have had to take a break for a bit. Get drunk, say fck white privilege, cry on the inside and then come back.
Then yet…. you post this.
It is funny, it made me laugh, it is actually what he implied in his post (I know he is going to respond irrationally and say this is not what he meant like most white privileged folk do), and it took some of that burden off of me.
(I am still a stubborn bastard and might write a private take down of his post just for myself…. but it is nice to not “feel the need” to do it because…. no one else sees what I saw – racism is hard to call out. Yet here you are, like you are seeing him through my eyes, and I am grateful.)
So like, after that, the blogger, AWW, responded by telling me that I made her cry, and other POC’s in that community told me this reflects a lot of their feelings right now.
I kind of want to comment on me making her cry. I felt really really bad for that. Why? Well because AWW is a strong almost militant feminist that has been fighting within her own community for equal treatment of women. This community is filled with white old men, and most of them just do not get it, as a result she has had to endure a lot of bigotry to have her say. I feel like, I made her cry because perhaps I reminded her how hard it is to remain strong in the face of such bigotry. Which just really sucks… I did not mean to make other minorities sad, because what I wrote up there reflected their own feelings on other issues. It just sucks because that means lots of minorities are traumatized by micro-aggression just like this – be they gay, trans, black, brown, or women.. they all have to deal with a great volume of bigotry whenever they speak out – and sometimes.. it just gets to you – no matter how strong you are, there will be times it gets to you.
This is why it is important for people with privilege to support those who do not. This is why as a brown and straight Latino male, I support feminism, gay rights, and speak out against things like racism, transphobia and Islamaphobia… because I am in a unique privileged position to take some damage off of the ones who are feeling it the most. If you are privileged, it is because the issues do not effect you, and because you have a lot of social pull.. that your support can do wonders for the minorities fighting battles of equality. That white woman, did just that… her support did help me a lot, even when I was pissed the fck off.
Now, after I wrote that post and a few others in the comments section, a member of that community asked me if she could copy and paste my comments to her blog. I though that this person was like some random unknown blogger, like me presently, but when she finally posted it.. to my surprise it was a prominent blogger within the community and my post got way more public eyes on it than I even felt comfortable with. Especially because I was calling out another white persons behavior as racist that no one called out before, and this white person, in that community had a lot of pull. So when the blogger posted my comment, I was like… sht.. now Clueless White Boy Two is going to come out the woodwork and I am going to have to defend my accusations of racism – in a public space that I was not comfortable with.
Soon enough, CWB2 responded to my accusations of racism, and what followed was me getting more pissed the fck off… I will post the last part of that in part 3 tomorrow, and also reveal who these people were, and who the community was. See you all in part 3!